Funny Text Messages That Make You 😜

I just found out that 'Aarrgghh' is not a real word.

I can't even tell you now how angry I am!.

To reduce stress I do Yoga.

Yes, I watch Netflix for 5 hours just lying on the couch.

I'm not over eating. I am just stocking the food just in case I get hungry later!.

Coffee is the second best thing to help you open your eyes.

Cheating still remains first!.

When life knocks me down, instead of getting up I usually lay there and take a nap!.

The human brain is amazing. It functions 24/7 from when we were born & only stops when you take a test or talk to someone attractive!.

My morning routine includes 10 minutes of sitting on my bed and thinking about how tired I am!.

Life is short to be taken seriously. If you can't laugh at yourself call me, I will!.

The worst thing about getting into an argument with my girlfriend is she never tells me what it's about!.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of your life teaching them to walk & talk.

You spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up!.

As I lay in bed last night. Staring out at the moon and stars and the infinite universe.

I suddenly realized that someone has stolen my tent!.

When I get to work, I first hide. Because a good worker is hard to find!.

Sometimes when I have more than ₹ 500/- in my account at the end of the month I wonder which bill I forgot to pay!.

A panda walks into a restaurant and eats his dinner. He then puts his fork and spoon down and takes a handgun out and shoots the waiter. He then walks out. The manager runs behind him and tries to stop him and get an explanation. The panda stops and says that it is his nature. He tells the manager to look up pandas in the encyclopedia. Sure enough, the encyclopedia says that the panda eats shoots and leaves.

A blonde walks into a convenience store and points a firearm at the cashier and tells him to hand over all the cash or he is geography. The cashier fearfully starts handing over the cash and asks her if she means history and not geography. She gets angry and brings the firearm closer to him snapping, “Give me the money and don’t change the subject.”

One good thing about Veterinary Doctors is their patients...

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can't Google!

A woman was telling her friend that she had successfully made her boyfriend a millionaire. Her friend asked what he had been before he met her. She answered, “A multi-millionaire!”.

Sometimes I wish that mosquitoes should suck fat instead of blood!.

The easiest way to make your old car run better is to check the prices of new cars!.

I got married twice and both of my marriages were disasters.

My first wife left me. My second one didn't!