If your girlfriend catches you looking at another woman, turn to her and say, "I'm glad you don't dress like that"!.
The capability to grab any woman's attention and have them come running in just 2 whistles belongs only to the pressure cooker!.
What did I learn on the first day at Medical School:
A patient cured is a customer lost!.
Me: Can anybody play a game with me?.
Life: I'm on the way, bro!.
I'm in a really good place right now. Not emotionally or spiritually...
.
Just lying in my bed and doing nothing!
A bishop walks straight up to the bar and the barman says:
"You can't do that, Bishops can only move diagonally"!.
Two years ago I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date, and today I asked her to marry me.
She said 'No' on both occasions!.
What did the grape say when it was stepped on?
Nothing!.
It just gave a little wine!.
Today I went to the toilet without my phone.
There're 116 tiles in the bathroom!.
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery... until they think you're making fun of them!.
Dinner: Aloo Gobhi Ki Sabzi.
Next Day Breakfast: Aloo Gobhi Mashed Paranthe.
Evening Snack: Stuffed Toasts of the mashed Aloo Gobhi left.
Parents, then: Would it kill you to pick up the phone?.
Parents, now: Would it kill you to put down the phone?.
My friend just got a job at the dentist.
I said, "Is it full time?"
He said, "No, I'm just filling in"!.
My girlfriend just passed her driving test and asked me to buy her something cheap to run around in. So I bought her trainers!.
For the peace of my mind, I've decided to cut out all the negative people from my life. I am trying to move on.
I hope all the creditors and debt recovery people will respect my decision and move on as well.
A lady was locking up her florist’s business when a lady rushed up and asked if she could buy a bouquet. “No”, replied the owner, “I’m closing.” “But the sign advertises that you are open 24 hours.” “Yes, 24 hours at a time”, replied the owner.!!
A girl who had never read a book in her life entered a book club meeting by mistake. She was too embarrassed to leave when the proceedings were on. The topic being discussed was “Self Help Books”. Everyone spoke in turn about the books that had helped them most in life. When it was her turn to speak the girl tried to excuse herself. On being pressed to answer as to which book she had found most helpful in her life she blurted the truth out, “My dad’s checkbook.”.
If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks...!
Cost me an arm and a leg!.
A girl walked into her friend’s house and found her engrossed in a game of chess with her cat. She was shocked and exclaimed that this was the cleverest cat that she had ever seen. Her friend replied, “Not really! My cat has lost 2 games out of 3".
I would like to go on a diet, but I'm afraid my brain will get thinner and I will become narrow-minded. So I dropped the idea!.
Message from a school:
Dear Parents,
There will be no extra class on 14th February!.
