JOKE BANK - BLONDE JOKES

Why do blondes have more fun?

They're easier to find in the dark!

Why did the blonde tip toe past the medicine cabinet?

So she wouldn't wake up the Sleeping Pills.

Q: How does a blonde prepare for safe sex?

A: She puts on rubber based lipstick.

Q: How do you know a blonde likes you?

A: She screws you two nights in a row.

What do a blonde 

and a beer bottle have in common?

They're both empty from the neck up!

What do you get when you offer a blonde 

a penny for his thoughts?

Change.

How do you know 

when a blonde's been sending e-mail?

Envelopes in the disk drive.

Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an A.M. radio?

It took him two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.

How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?

Fertilized.

Q: Did you hear about the new automatic parachutes, invented by a blond?

A: They open on impact.

Me: Hey, Donna, how do you make a blonde laugh twice in a row?

Donna: I dunno. How?

Me: Tell her the same dumb blonde joke twice in a row.

Me: Hey Donna, how do you make a blonde laugh twice in a row?

Why did the blonde get fired

from her job working at an M&M; factory?

She kept throwing out all of the W's!

A blonde ordered a pizza 

and the clerk asked 

if he should cut it in six 

or twelve pieces.

She responded, 

"Six, please. 

I could never eat twelve pieces."

A blonde was filling out a job application form. 

She quickly filled out the columns entitled: 

Name, Age, Address, etc.

Finally, she came to the column: Salary Expected.

She wrote, "YES."

An office exec was interviewing a blonde

 for an assistant position, 

and wanted to find out a little about her personality.

"If you could have a conversation with anyone,

 alive or dead, who would it be?"

"I'd have to say the living one."

A blonde and a brunette are sky-diving.

The brunette jumps out of the plane and pulls the cord - nothing happens.

She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.

The blonde jumps out of the plane and yells 

"Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"

Two blondes realize that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the

balcony.

"Help, help!" yells one of the blondes.

"Help us, help us!" yells the other.

"Maybe it would help if we yelled together," said the first blonde.

"Good idea," said the other.

"Together, together!"

A highway patrolman pulled up 

alongside a speeding car on the freeway. 

As the officer peered through the driver's window, 

he was astounded to find 

that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting.

The trooper cranked down his window 

and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at

the top of his lungs. 

"No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!"

Two blondes were walking down the road 

and the first blonde said, 

"Look at that dog with one eye!"

The other blonde covers one of her eyes and asks, "Where?"

A blonde and a brunette 

both jumped off a cliff at the same time. 

Which made it to the ground first?

The brunette because the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.