Blonde jokes to tell your friend

80,000 blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium 

for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid Convention".

The leader says, 

"We are all here today to prove to the world 

that blondes are not stupid. 

Can I have a volunteer?"

 A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd 

and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"

After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed.

Then 80,000 blondes start cheering,

 "Give her another chance! 

Give her another chance!"

The leader says, 

"Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place 

and we have the world-wide press and global broadcastmedia

here, gee, uh, 

I guess we can give her another chance." 

So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"

After nearly 30 seconds 

she eventually says, "Ninety?"

The leader is quite perplexed, 

looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh --

everyone is disheartened -- 

the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls

begin to yell and wave their hands shouting,

"GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"

The leader, unsure whether 

or not he is doing more harm than damage,

eventually says,

 "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- 

What is 2 plus 2?"

The girl closes her eyes,

 and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?".

Throughout the stadium pandemonium 

breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, 

wave their arms, 

stomp their feet and scream...

"GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"

A blonde and her husband are laying in bed watching TV, 

an old western is on.

The husband says to his wife, 

"I bet you breakfast in bed that the covered

wagon hits a rock and the driver falls out dead," "

You're on," returned his wife.

They watch the western 

and sure enough the wagon hits a rock in the dirt road

and the driver falls out of the wagon ... dead.

The wife gets out of bed 

and returns shortly with a tray of food.

After eating the husband says, 

"I have to admit that I saw this movie before."

She in turn confesses, 

I saw the movie before too.

But I didn't think 

he was stupid enough to ride 

over the same rock twice...."

NEW INVENTIONS BY BLONDES:

The water-proof towel

Glow in the dark sunglasses

Solar powered flashlight

Submarine screen door

A book on how to read

Inflatable dart board

A dictionary index

Powdered water

Pedal powered wheel chair

Water proof tea bags

Zero proof alcohol

Reusable ice cubes

Skinless bananas

Do it yourself roadmap

The traffic light wasn't working on the corner of Broadway and 72nd Street, so

the blonde stood with a large crowd of people waiting to cross, while a cop

directed traffic.

Finally, the cop blew his whistle,

 motioned to the crowd, 

and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians!" 

The throng surged across Broadway 

all except the blonde, who

stayed on the corner.

When the walkers were safely on the other side of the street, 

the cop moved

the cross-traffic through the intersection. 

Half a minute later, he stopped

the cars on Broadway 

and sent the 72nd Street traffic into motion.

Again, he got around to the blonde's corner, 

where by this time she had again been joined by a crowd of people.

Tweeeeeeeet!

 "Okay, pedestrians!"

The crowd crossed the street, 

but again the blonde stayed put. 

She looked at her watch 

and tapped her foot 

but never budged from the sidewalk.

Finally, after the cop yelled 

"Okay, pedestrians!"

 for the third time, 

the blonde shouted across traffic, 

"Yo! Officer! 

Isn't it about time you let the Catholics cross?"

A blonde phoned police 

to report that thieves had been in her car.

"They've stolen the dashboard, 

the steering wheel,

 the brake pedal, 

even the accelerator," 

she cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start,

 the phone rang a second time 

and the same voice came over the line.

"Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. 

She proudly said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!"

Her friend said, "O.K. then, what's the capital of France?"

The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so easy! F!"

A local sheriff was looking for a deputy, 

so a blonde went in to try out for the job.

After a series of questions that the blonde failed, 

the sheriff asked in desperation one final question:

"Now, listen carefully: 

Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"

The blonde looked a little surprised, 

then thought really hard for a minute

and finally admitted:

"I don't know!"

"Well, why don't you go home 

and work on that one for a while?"

So, the blonde wandered over to a restaurant 

where some friends were waiting to hear

 the results of the interview.

The blonde couldn't be happier.

"It's my first day on the job, 

and it went great.

 I'm already working on a murder case!"

Josh was helping Sally, 

the blonde, 

clean out the trunk of her car. Inside,

 he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". 

Looking at it a little closer,

he noticed a stick of dynamite inside.

Thinking that was a bit strange, 

he asked Sally what it was for.

She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit."

Josh said, "I can see that, but why?"

Sally replied, "In case I have a flat and need 

to blow up one of my tires."

A blonde was down on her luck.

In order to raise some money, 

she decided to kidnap 

a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, 

told him, "Ive kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "

Ive kidnapped your kid. 

Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag 

and put it under the pecan tree 

next to the slide on the north side of the playground. 

Signed, A Blonde."

The blonde pinned the note to the kids shirt and sent him home to show it to

his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough,

 a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. 

The blonde opened up the bag 

and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "

How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead 

run to the top of a burning building. 

Below, a few firefighters are holding 

a blanket telling the redhead to jump.

When the redhead jumps the firefighters snatch 

the blanket away and she hits the concrete.

When the firefighters ask the brunette 

to jump she jumps and again they pull the blanket away.

When the firefighters ask the blonde to jump she replies,

"I don't trust you, so just put the blanket down and back away."

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes 

and one of all Brunettes, 

charter a double-decker bus 

for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. 

The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. 

The Blonde team rides on the top level.

The Brunette team down

 below is whooping it 

up having a great time, 

when one of them realises 

she doesn't hear anything

 from the Blondes upstairs.

She decides to go up and investigate. 

When the Brunette reaches the top,

 she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, 

staring straight-ahead at the road, and

clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.

She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? 

We're havin' a grand time downstairs!" 

One of the Blondes looks up and says, 

"Yeah, but you've got a driver!"

Couldn't learn to water ski 

because she couldn't find 

a lake with a slope.

Got excited 

because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months 

and the box said "2 to 4 years"

Couldn't call 911

because there was no 11 on any phone button.

When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C".

Baked a turkey for 3 days 

because the instructions 

said 1 hour per pound 

and she weighed 125.

After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, 

complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.

If blondes and bimbos were the same thing, 

the prefix 'bim'  could be used to create new words 

that describe them:

Bimbabble - noises coming from a group of blondes

Bimbaffled - constant mental state of blondes

Bimbait - short skirts, sheer blouses, string bikinis or other clothing worn

by blondes in an attempt to attract the attention of males

Bimbar - a bar where blondes hang out wearing bimbait

Bimbag - a blonde's purse

Bimbrushes - essential equipment in a bimbag

Bimbastic surgeon - specialist in breast enhancements for blondes

Bimbeeper - special instrument used as a homing device for lost blondes

Bimbellow - sound emanating from a blonde

 after she finally got the most recent blonde joke she heard

Bimbillion - a blonde giving an estimate of anything

Bimblaze - the result of a blonde trying to cook

Bimblues - a blonde's state of mind after her latest boyfriend ditched her

Bimboette - a young blonde

Bimbonese - language spoken by blondes, largely unintelligible to anyone else

Bimbonique behavior - airhead behavior, unique to blondes

Bimboozle - to fool a blonde

Bimbore - a blonde who uses "like" more than 10 times in a sentence

Bimbozo - another name for a blonde

Bimboron - a blonde even less intelligent than most other blondes

Bimbrownie - a well-tanned blonde

Bimbrunette - a blonde who dyes her hair brunette, usually to appear smarter

than she actually is

Bimburden - blonde carrying too many bags at the mall

Why did the blonde get run over?

In signal, The sign said do not walk, so she crawled.

I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

* she called me to get my phone number.

* she spent 20 minutes looking 

at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

* she put lipstick on her forehead 

because she wanted to make up her mind.

*she tried to put M&M;'s in alphabetical order.

*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

*she tried to drown a fish.

*she thought a quarterback was a refund.

*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

*she tripped over a cordless phone.

*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

*she studied for a blood test.

*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

The interviewer asks the blonde:-

Interviewer: “You were born in?”

She replies, “ Australia.”

He asks her, “Which part?”

She replies, “All of me of course.”

A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her

index finger shot off.

"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.

Well, I was trying to commit suicide, the blonde replied.

"What?" sputtered the doctor. 

"You tried to commit suicide

 by shooting your finger off?"

"No, Silly!" the blonde said. 

"First I put the gun to my chest,

 and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants,

 I'm not shooting myself in the chest."

"And then?" asked the doctor.

"Then I put the gun in my mouth, 

and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 

to get my teeth straightened,

I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."

"And then?"

"Then I put the gun to my ear, 

and I thought:

 This is going to make a loud noise. 

So I put my finger in the other ear 

before I pulled the trigger."

Why did the blonde stop using the internet?.

It kept asking her to accept cookies when she was on a diet.

A blonde, brunette, and redhead went to a church to donate money. 

The brunette draws a circle around her and throws up all her money.

She says that whatever lands inside the circle is for God, 

and whatever lands outside of the circle she keeps.

The redhead then draws a line, stands on it, and throws up all of her money.

She said that whatever lands on the right side of the line is for God, 

and whatever lands on the left side she keeps.

The blonde throws up her money, and yells,

"God, whatever you catch is yours, and whatever you don't I get to keep."

Q: Why did the blonde give up on using her calculator and throw it away?

A: Because it didn’t have a 10 button.