Top 30 Groucho Marx Famous Quotes

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

Time wounds all heels.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you, he really is an idiot.

When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.

Humor is reason gone mad.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go in the other room and read a book.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

All geniuses die young.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.