Groucho Marx jokes to make you laugh

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it.Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it.

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.