My wife's left me because I've eaten far too much chocolate over the Christmas period.
I think this calls for a celebration!.
A relationship thrives on communication, yet `We need to talk' is one of the scariest sentences to hear from your partner!.
Husband: Why do women need a husband?
Wife: Because so many things go wrong every day and you can't blame God!.
Wife: Whose number is this. Who's she?
Husband: I don't know. Google must have put it there as they did for UIDAI!.
Wife: It's our wedding anniversary in a week, darling. How do you think we should celebrate?
Husband: With a minute of silence!.
Wife: Amitabh Bachchan is a really great actor. Sharab Na Peete Hue Bhi Sharab Peene Ki Kitni Achhi Acting Kar Lete Hain!
Husband to himself: Ab Isko Kaun Samjhaye Ki Sharab Na Pee Kar Peene Ki Acting Karne Se... SHarab Pee Kar, Na Peene Ki Acting Karna Kitna Mushkil Hai! Sach Mein Hamari Toh Koi Kadar Hi Nahi!.
(Husband name not disclosed due to intolerance issues!).
Husband: You are upset from the past two days what happened?.
Wife: There is one folder in your laptop with the name 'my documents'. You could have named it as 'our documents'. You don't care for me anymore, I hate you!!!.
Wife: Honey, what will you give me for our 25th anniversary?
Husband: A trip to Thailand?
Wife: Wow, that’s awesome, and for our 50th anniversary?
Husband: Then I pick you up again.
Husband: I need space.
Wife: Join NASA!
One of the best hangover lines!
Wife: Baby you love me na?
Husband: Who is Meena?
My wife isn't talking to me.
She said I ruined her birthday!
I'm not sure how?.
I didn't even know it was her birthday!.
Wife: I didn't find any hair on your shirt.
Husband: So?
Wife: So are you dating a bald woman?
A couple went to a marriage counsellor:
Counsellor to husband: Do you feel dominated by your wife?.
Wife: No, he doesn't!.
A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out.
As he walked to the door she yelled, "And I hope you die a long, slow, and very painful death."
Husband turned around and said, "So you want me to stay?"
Last night my husband had a bad dream and smacked me in the face. He was really sorry, but anyway I'll keep you posted on funeral arrangements!.
Wife clicks a picture of her food she prepared for dinner and uploads on Facebook.
One hour later at dinner time, she served food to her husband.
Husband: The food tastes awful.
Wife: 523 people have liked and 102 people have commented appreciating it. It's only you who always have a problem with my cooking!
If you want your wife to be attentive to what you say, try talking in your sleep!.
Wife: What do you want for your birthday?
Husband: Just let me win an argument for once!.
My wife has decided to clean the house and announced that's she's getting rid of anything she doesn't need. I think I'm gonna be homeless today!.
Wife (after a long quarrel) Now say 'three magical words'.
Husband: I love u
Wife: No, no, no.
Husband: I like you
Wife: No, these are not 'three words'.
Husband: I miss you
Wife: No, tell me the right words.
Husband - "You were right".
Wife: YES!!.
