Bar jokes ideas and inspiration

Me: You're amazing. You always give me what I need and even though you make me pay for it, I love you.

Bartender: That'll be $13.75.

Girl: Me or alcohol?

Alcohol: Choose her, I know you will come back to me later!.

Q: What do you call an alcoholic Vampire?

A: Drunkcula!

What did I learn today?.

You'll never drown your sorrows drinking light beer!.

Among the extremist groups trying to recruit members to their cause like Al-Qaida, Al-Nusrah, Al-Badr etc.

I believe the most successful one is Al-cohol.

Many of my friends including myself have already fallen victim to it.

Cheers!

The hangover only lasts a day but the memories last a lifetime!

If you want to learn about the character of a person, invite him to drinks and have at least 3 different valued liquors. If he selects the costliest and then drinks like fish, you have your answer.

The best way to break the ice is to pour whisky over it!.

I've never pretended to be something I'm not.

Except sober.

I've pretended to be sober before!.

Once In A Bar, One Guy Said To Another

"I Slept With Your Mom Last Night."

After That Whole Bar Was Waiting

For Another Guy's Response. After

A While... He Laughs And Says:

Let's Go Home, Dad, You Are Drunk.

Do you know what rhymes with Friday?

Alcohol!.

No matter what life throws at you.

A cold beer will always help as an accompaniment!.

What did I learn today?

It turns out that I'm not addicted to alcohol... I'm addicted to hangovers!.

What is Beergasm?.

The Climactic Moment when you take the first sip at the end of the day!.

Drinking pineapple juice will improve your complexion and adding rum will improve others' looks!.

A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink.

The bartender says, For you? No charge!.

I drink very little.

And when I drink little, 

I become a different person & that different person drinks a lot!.

Beer cures what Ales you!.

A Chinese guy comes into the pub, stands next to me and starts drinking. 

I asked him, "Do you know any of those Martial Arts like Kung Fu, Jujitsu or Karate?"

He said, "Why are you asking me that, just because I am a Chinese?"

I said, "No, because you're drinking my beer!"

Somebody should launch a beer called "Responsibly".

So when asked, I can say, "I only drink Responsibly"!.