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I'm drinking like there's snow tomorrow.
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We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.
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I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.
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Impossible only means that you haven't found the solution yet.
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Crying doesn't indicate that you're weak. Since birth, it has been a sign that you're alive.
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All our dreams can come true – if we have the courage to pursue them.
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The best part about daylight savings is that the clock in my car is correct again.
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The 'Earth' without 'Art' is just 'EH'.
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Pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens.
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There's no place like 127.0.0.1
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The past tense of wink is wunked.
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Just high fived that wall with my face.
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Look for something positive in each day, even if some days you have to look a little harder.
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Even a turtle only makes progress when it sticks its neck out.
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Single? Taken? I'm just ready for summer 2018.
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My Viagra addiction was the hardest time of my life.
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How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
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Admit it, you are not the same person you were a year ago.
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I automatically classify anything over $5 as expensive.
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Tough times never last, tough people do.
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