Funny jokes text messages that will make you laugh

Q: What do you call two chips in love?

A: A relationchip!.

Boss: Hello, aren't you coming to the office today?

Employee: Sixer, sixer, sixer!!.

Boss: What are you screaming?

Employee: Am Sick-Sir!.

A boxer complains to his doctor about insomnia.

Doctor: Have you tried counting sheep?

Boxer: Yes, but whenever I get to 9, I stand up!.

Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.

Doctor: Don't worry. Mine too.

Mom: Where are you going dressed like that?

Girl: To the bathroom, I need a new profile picture!.

Patient: Doctor, what happens after we die?.

Doctor: We clean the bed and admit a new patient!.

Mom: Do you know why birds sing in the morning?.

Son: Because they don't have to go to work!.

A mother was shocked to see her daughter struggling with her homework on the floor:

Mom: “What are you doing?”

Daughter: “My math homework.”

Mom: “Why are you on the floor?”

Daughter: “My teacher said not to use tables.”

1) Nervous Patient: “Doctor are you sure I have jaundice? My friend had a doctor who treated him for jaundice and he died of typhus.”

Doctor: “Please do not worry. When I treat a patient for jaundice, he dies of jaundice!”.

2) Patient: “Doctor, I think I need glasses.”

Librarian: “Yes, you do. This is a library.”

Q: What do you call a lazy skeleton?

A: Bone idle!.

Bunty: Why is 'Dark' spelled with a K and not a C?

Pappu: Because you can't C in the dark!.

Co-worker: I can't find you on FB.

Me: I know I found you first and blocked you!.

Robber: Give me all your money. Otherwise, you are chemistry?

Guy: Don't you mean history?

Robber: Don't change the subject!.

Bunty: Why do girls live longer than boys?

Pappu: Because shopping doesn't cause heart attacks. Paying the bill does!.

A lady was in a hurry to get to the airport. Her cabbie was driving slowly and she decided to tell him to hurry a bit. She tapped him on the shoulder and he screamed and nearly ran into a tree. They were both thoroughly shaken. She apologized to him most profusely for having startled him. The cabbie apologized to her in return saying that he was to blame. His last job was driving a funeral van and this was his first day on the job driving a taxi.

My friend's wife was dancing on a table.

I said, "Good legs"

Friend: Do you really think so?

Me: Yes, most other tables would've collapsed under that weight!.

Amma: “My son suffers from a drinking problem.”

Cousin: “I didn’t know that he drinks.”

Amma: “He doesn’t. His wife drinks. He suffers.”

Customer: Do you have delivery boys who are pure vegetarian?.

Order food Online: Yes sir, what do you want to order?.

Customer: Chicken Biryani!.

Me: Meet my girlfriend.

Mom: You deserve better, don't settle for this.

Me: But mom, I love her.

Mom: I'm talking to her only!.

Q: What's a vampire's favorite fruit?

A: A nectarine!.